Caught with our pants down

I generally don't blog about current events or political issues even though these issues are very much on my mind. Being a obsessive NPR listener and news junkie I can't help but look at the current gas price hike and American's feeling like their balls are in a vice and just raise my eyebrows and say:

WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING?

We are 2-5 years away from cars being released that get decent gas mileage.

Most American cities do not have any decent mass transit options.

We have delayed serious research/implementations of alternative fuels energy generation when we had the chance.

I am old enough to remember the gas crisis of the mid-70's and the fledgling attempts at conservation then - that petered out and died.

I laugh at the SUV drivers who are getting 14 mpg.

I cry at the fact on how few options there are for 30+ mpg vehicles.

Basically America got caught with its pants down and it will be at least 5-10 years of real hard times as we re-think, re-tool and fight back to a point where we can stabalize from the price of high energy. I would feel glib if it didn't affect all of us and know for a substantial amounts of my hard working fellow americans this is really going to hurt!


Oh I found this image while looking for a pants down appropriate image - its hot and positive and a turn-on - so maybe as a silver-lining we can not use our cars AC - rip off our shirts and go for it!

Active fantasy life

As some of my regular readers know - I often log on to a gay chat rooms and engage in all sorts of hot chatting - sometimes just friendly - other times play-out scenes so hot - I cum in my pants. A couple guys are regulars; the majority I have no clue whether they are the hot studs they pretend to be or are really much older, fatter and less hot. A select few I have actually seen pictures of and really do believe they are who they say.

There is one guy who goes by the nickname bijock23 - he says he is 6'5 223 black blue 7 c. I think his name is Josh and he is somewhere in the NY/NJ area. I chatted with him today and man-oh-man they keyboard sizzles when we chat. I am totally in lust with this guy - and if he is half the lover he comes across on the computer then I don't really care what he looks like. Of course I doubt we would ever meet but if we did it might be something like what I wrote in this post months back .... Night with my bud (I know I need to finish that story)

It is interesting when you connect with someone in online chat - both of you seem to hit the right buttons in some fantasy. With this guy bijock23 - it is this sexual male bonding, tender with both of trying to please each other - he has this dominant / controlling streak - which usually really turns me off - but in his case it manifests itself in pleasuring. For example in chat I will say something like "let me lick you..." or "swivel around so we can suck each other" and he will say no, its all about you and proceed describe licking me in the most torturous ways. I know in real life there is no way I could lay there and let him have his way with me - but within the confines of the fantasy it is really hot.

Strange times at Gay Japanese Bath house part 2

Please go back two posts to read my introduction (http://meshugenergay.blogspot.com/2008/04/strange-times-in-japanese-bath-house.html) I really appreciate the couple requests to finish this story - it always helps to know there is in interest in ones babbling ... basically we were in Tokyo and the local gay bath house was the most convenient place for a soak and it had the advantage of the possibility of sex. Cruising in a bath house is an iffy proposition whether it is a Japanese one or not - the Japanese part added the dimension of cultural learning curve, being an ethnic minority and not speaking the language.

I had learned that one of the steam rooms was a prime location. It was dim had two areas that guys felt they could safely fondle and not have to commit. So being horny - I stood in the larger area of the steam room in clear site of the dim light (that way the guys could clearly see I was geijan if they were interested. Like teenagers at dance - groups of guys would come and go - leaning against the tile wall - checking each other out. When I guy was interested they would usually do some covert groping before more activities proceeded. I would hang out for a bit, then walk around check out the little maze of showers outside the steam room, see if I could catch anyone's eye and head back in. Eventually this tall kid, made his move of interest, he wasn't bad looking with an average body, so I groped him back. There was a little stroking under our towels and he eventually grabbed my hand and lead out of the steam room to one of the shower cubicles. Once in the cubicle we had an awkward kiss (Japanese men are stiff kissers) and he went to his knees to suck me.

The odd thing about having sex with someone who you don't speak their language is trying to figure out limits. After a bit it was clear that he just wanted to pleasure me. Attempts I made to stroke him or suck him - were rebuffed. I think he didn't want to cum - so he could go play with others - and I have to say he had a soft and sweet mouth. In fact it was almost too soft and hot - it was delicious torture. I had to pull him off a couple times because I was getting too close and I wasn't sure he wanted me to cum in his mouth. I ended up cumming while he stroked me and even though I tried to reciprocate he wasn't interested...

Unmotivated

In the months that I have blogged I sometimes post alot and sometimes let it go for weeks. The one thing that bums me out is in all this time I have gotten one comment.

It shouldn't matter but it really would motivate me more if I know someone was reading!

Therapy Update

I reluctantly go to see a shrink.

The reluctance may be in part because I am one of the sanest people I know.

I know the adage that an alcoholic is the last person you should ask if they have a drinking problem. So its hard for a meshugener to assess their own sanity. However, I feel like I am a pretty sorted, grounded person. I started going because of some relationship issues and the profound alienation I feel from the gay-community. However, now that I have gone for over a year I have begun to realize that I carry around some baggage from my childhood is not completely healthy ways - that may explain some of the goofy things I do in my relationships and why I spend way too much on-line.

IF you have never gone to see a shrink - I highly recommend it, but with the caveat that finding a good shrink is hard. This is my third attempt at therapy, the two other times I went a couple times an found it a complete waste of time. This time I was really careful, asking around, doing short phone interviews with a number of therapists and pushing hard to find someone who I felt I could click with. The key is having some sense of what you want out the of the experience. For example I am very verbal - I can clearly articulate what I am feeling but I definitely need someone to challenge what comes out of my mouth. I was looking for someone who wasn't just a "listener" but someone I could have a dialogue with and would be pretty active in the process. Many shrinks don't go there - so makes sure you ask. Also have some sense about the issues you want to talk about. Some head-shrinkers will advertise if they are into gay/lesbian issues. I am about 80% sure my guy is a member of the tribe, but he is definitely savy on the issues. Last, don't be passive about what is happening during your sessions - one of my best sessions happened after a particularly bad session where I felt the Doc was phoning it in - so I told him that at the beginning of the session and we had a great conversation about how it could have been better. There are times when he has said something that I felt was applying his judgement or values on things - a good shrink won't be offended, but will engage with a better approach.

Hope this helps.

Maybe next time I will babble about some things I have learned about myself.

Strange times in a Japanese Bath house

One of the wonderful things about Japan is soaking in a sento, onsen or rotonburri. For those who have never been a sento is a neighborhood bath house - nothing sexual where you go and soak in a hot bath. An onsen is similar but fed by a natural hot spring. A rotonburri is usually naturally hot spring fed but outside.

Now merge these wonderful institutions with a more typical gay sauna/bathhouse experience and it has the possibility of being a lot of fun. Now I am trying to be culturally sensitive, but to a westerner, intimate relations in a foreign country can be a delicate act - especially in Japan where social clues are often hard to read for an American. One attitude is to damn the torpedos and just be an American and if they don't like it ... fuck'em. I try to never to be the "ugly american" and observe or read about cultural norms and then try to live within the rules (when in rome ...) So the first bit of cultural knowledge that overshadowed my experience is the Japanese reticence around foreigners. So its important not to come on too strong or aggressive. On my end I don't have a particular fetish for Asian men - my dictum is a hot guy is a hot guy - but don't tend to go for any particular racial group. I went because I like gay bathouses - if I get off cool - but I wasnt' particularly jonesing for asian tail.

Oh one more strange thing. There is a video room - on the tv was some japanese gay porn. However, it was two older fat middle aged business men having sex. Very odd and not stimulating!

This particular night I was first and foremost looking to unwind after a long day walking and being a tourist, so a hot soak, steam and sauna were in order. Japanese bathouses also serve as a crash joints for guys who stay out too late - so upstairs are sleeping rooms where some fucking goes on but a lot more sleeping happens. The first odd thing is I went upstairs to take a short nap. I covered myself up - faced away from the room and was clearly sleeping not looking for nookie. I dozed off at one point had a sense of someone leaning over me feeling me up. I rolled over groggy and gestured that I wasn't interested and dozed away. This happened a couple times and I gave up on sleeping. Getting up I had the vague feeling of being violated. Being groped in my sleep is not my idea of a good time. I met up with my partner and we headed out, but when I told him - he said that is a very Japanese thing - the pleasuring of someone who is pretending to be sleeping.

We came back another night and I was more in the mood to have some fun.

Read part two ...

Sugar Challenge

I just spent time on vacation in a country where all the ice tea is unsweatened.

Imagine going into your local 7/11 and if all the space devoted to soda was instead filled with varieties of tea (mostly green) all without anything added. The cultural tastes must lean this way because it sells - which then begs the question of why we drink such sweet things. In fact everything is sweeter in America - do some traveling and you will notice that chocolate and pastries in other countries are not as sweet. Its as if we are a country who is jacked up on sugar. Given American obesity and diabeties rates its clearly a national disaster.

So what do I want?

First, I want options! I want to be able to find drinks that contain neither sugar or articificial sweeteners! I want the option of a dessert that isn't just sugar that has the correct balance of pastry and sweet.

Second, I don't want my insurance dollars and tax dollars feeding a corporate and cultural stupidity about food health. If we, demand that the government demand that manufacturers lower the sugar content of their food by 2% a year over the next 5 years! Slowly weaning the American addiction - learning to enjoy the taste of food just a little less sweet.

I know I am dreaming - but I can but hope!