Therapy Update

I reluctantly go to see a shrink.

The reluctance may be in part because I am one of the sanest people I know.

I know the adage that an alcoholic is the last person you should ask if they have a drinking problem. So its hard for a meshugener to assess their own sanity. However, I feel like I am a pretty sorted, grounded person. I started going because of some relationship issues and the profound alienation I feel from the gay-community. However, now that I have gone for over a year I have begun to realize that I carry around some baggage from my childhood is not completely healthy ways - that may explain some of the goofy things I do in my relationships and why I spend way too much on-line.

IF you have never gone to see a shrink - I highly recommend it, but with the caveat that finding a good shrink is hard. This is my third attempt at therapy, the two other times I went a couple times an found it a complete waste of time. This time I was really careful, asking around, doing short phone interviews with a number of therapists and pushing hard to find someone who I felt I could click with. The key is having some sense of what you want out the of the experience. For example I am very verbal - I can clearly articulate what I am feeling but I definitely need someone to challenge what comes out of my mouth. I was looking for someone who wasn't just a "listener" but someone I could have a dialogue with and would be pretty active in the process. Many shrinks don't go there - so makes sure you ask. Also have some sense about the issues you want to talk about. Some head-shrinkers will advertise if they are into gay/lesbian issues. I am about 80% sure my guy is a member of the tribe, but he is definitely savy on the issues. Last, don't be passive about what is happening during your sessions - one of my best sessions happened after a particularly bad session where I felt the Doc was phoning it in - so I told him that at the beginning of the session and we had a great conversation about how it could have been better. There are times when he has said something that I felt was applying his judgement or values on things - a good shrink won't be offended, but will engage with a better approach.

Hope this helps.

Maybe next time I will babble about some things I have learned about myself.