Cyber Top

Let me come clean. In real life I mostly bottom. Is it because I prefer to be fucked - not really. Trust be told I don't crave being fucked, sometimes I like it, sometimes I put up with it to please who I am with and sometimes I roll over cause I am insecure on top.

Here's the deal. I am a closet top or wanna be or a top in my own imagination. Why all evasion about sexual position? Simple I tend to cum easily, so sliding into a tight ass is frustrating cause I want to enjoy a slow deep fuck in a tight hole, but what usually happens is me worrying about cumming too soon, cumming too soon, not enjoying it because I am embarrassed and was too worried.

I know stop whining and wave that sexy ass in the air.

Well if I am chatting on line - for some reason guys often want me to fuck them. Maybe its because of my love of writing, but doing an IM roleplay I give a great fuck. Sweet, loving and deep I know what makes a good cyber fuck. Its partially listening and responding to make the imagination spark and the online typing hot. The other part is being on the receiving end I just fuck how I like to be fucked. Today I was online and this guy I chat with - mostly just friendly stuff we rarely ever to the sex-chat-thang, but today he got me to cyber fuck him good. Started out slow and deep but ended up with me slamming his ass on top of my desk...

This whole top or bottom dichotomy is weird to me. The best sex I have had was with this really versatile guy. We would spend hours in bed kissing and flipping. Usually I would have cum once or twice before he wanted to me to fuck him or he had already fucked me so it wasn't so much about cumming it was having good fun sex!

Sex after eight years

So the bf and I took a hike on Sunday and when we got back I decided to throw in a load of laundry. Didn't have a full load so I said to the bf did he have anything else to wash - next thing I know a naked bf is throwing his clothing in. Not a big deal but the next thing he says to me is - now that I am naked - you might as well give me a handjob. I wasn't really in the mood, but I am always bitching about lack of sex life so I came upstairs. He was already on the bed in position, pretty soft. So I leaned down and started sucking him. Slowly at first, partially cause he wasn't hard and partially cause when I blow someone I really like to enjoy the feeling of a dick slipping past my lips. He was starting to get hard and made some comment about I might need to suck him more aggressively if he is going to get anything out of it.

Part of me thought "fuck you" and part of me said - you bitch about your sex life, make an effort. BF has a dominant streak and gets into being serviced - and I am constantly saying I just need to get into the role. Fact is being dominated does NOTHING for me sexually, or at least part of personality fights it tooth and nail. I sometimes think if I just give into it I may enjoy it, but so far the verdict is NOT. Anyhow I started sucking him like he likes, mostly lips on the head, and hand working the tip of the head. I looked up at one point and his eyes were closed and I could have been a green alien and he wouldn't have know.

Now, I don't consider myself a champion cock sucker. The fact is bobbing down about a half-inch on is fat 8" makes my jaw ache. I find that if someone likes variation in their cock-suckers I can succeed much better, but if you just want me to concentrate on one spot and slobber on your big fat cock head, it is going to get tired fast. So I switched to just my hand. Eventually, the bf called me by my first name (something he rarely does in our day-to-day life- usually I am referred to by a variety of pet names - I am only get the first name when he is pissed or during sex). So I crawled next to him on the bed - his hand directed me to suck his nipple and I continued to stroke him.

Eventually he came - when I got up to wash my hands he wanted me to lay down so he could give me a hand job. At first I said that is alright. The whole thing didn't do much for my libido. However, he was being insistant and rejecting being pleasured (however much on his terms) probably wouldn't be a good idea. The fact is, when he jerks me off - it isn't very sensual - it is sort of mechanical. I tend to be a bit trigger happy and wish he would edge me and build it up and let me calm down once or twice - maybe even make-out or enjoy each others bodies rather than see how quickly he can get me to blow; which usually doesn't take too long. As usual after I came he kept stroking me even when it was sensitive and I was screaming for him to stop. Okay I am whining now, but at the moment I was laughing hysterically and that felt sort of good. A cathartic deep torturous laugh-fit. Maybe I do have a bit of masochistic streak.

The nice part is we took a shower together afterwards. It is one of the odd parts of our relationship, we are very kissie and touchy and cuddley and loving but when it comes to sweaty passionate sex something seems to misfire. In the shower, he lovingly scrubbed my back with this great sex salt and essential oil back scrub (oh I am such a scratch whore!)

Laid Off

So, Friday I demanded that one of the partners of my firm sit down with me and tell me what is going on and I found out that I was being laid off. Sort of odd that I had to instigate the discussion. Luckily I have money saved and it may be a good thing in the long run.

However, after twelve years there it is sad it has come to this. The partner I felt was my friend has gone silent. mostly because he is embarrassed and doesn't know what to say. This is a huge disappointment. They are laying me off and it is like I have done something wrong. Like I am a leper. I will keep my anger in check, take a deep breathe and leave with dignity.

I am looking forward to having more time to write, workout and re-group. Luckily I have had offers of support from friends and family so my safety net is in good position. Between money saved and and frugal living I should be able to ride this one out.

Was thinking of starting an alternate blog for just sex stories, but I will intermingle fantasy, real life and general banality to keep any regular readers on their toes.

So I may be laid-off but I am going to lay back and try to enjoy,

Would I do it for money?

With the economy getting scary I am been a bit worried about loosing my job.

Bottom line my company is not doing good and I am freaked.

When I first finished grad school we were in the height of the recession of 1990. It took me years to find a job and I was very poor. In the last year or two I was finally feeling like I was doing okay and put in an order for a new car - not the cheapest car I could find but a perfectly nice VW Jetta Sportwagon TDI 6-speed. It met my criteria for getting over 30 mpg and had a few luxuries. At 43 thought I could afford a nice car. Now I may cancel the order and looking at job options and other ways to make money.

Would anyone pay to fuck a 43 year old with a decent body, cute face and what I am told is a great ass? And the more important question is could I really sell my body? Could you? maybe I should set up a poll?