Therapy Update

I reluctantly go to see a shrink.

The reluctance may be in part because I am one of the sanest people I know.

I know the adage that an alcoholic is the last person you should ask if they have a drinking problem. So its hard for a meshugener to assess their own sanity. However, I feel like I am a pretty sorted, grounded person. I started going because of some relationship issues and the profound alienation I feel from the gay-community. However, now that I have gone for over a year I have begun to realize that I carry around some baggage from my childhood is not completely healthy ways - that may explain some of the goofy things I do in my relationships and why I spend way too much on-line.

IF you have never gone to see a shrink - I highly recommend it, but with the caveat that finding a good shrink is hard. This is my third attempt at therapy, the two other times I went a couple times an found it a complete waste of time. This time I was really careful, asking around, doing short phone interviews with a number of therapists and pushing hard to find someone who I felt I could click with. The key is having some sense of what you want out the of the experience. For example I am very verbal - I can clearly articulate what I am feeling but I definitely need someone to challenge what comes out of my mouth. I was looking for someone who wasn't just a "listener" but someone I could have a dialogue with and would be pretty active in the process. Many shrinks don't go there - so makes sure you ask. Also have some sense about the issues you want to talk about. Some head-shrinkers will advertise if they are into gay/lesbian issues. I am about 80% sure my guy is a member of the tribe, but he is definitely savy on the issues. Last, don't be passive about what is happening during your sessions - one of my best sessions happened after a particularly bad session where I felt the Doc was phoning it in - so I told him that at the beginning of the session and we had a great conversation about how it could have been better. There are times when he has said something that I felt was applying his judgement or values on things - a good shrink won't be offended, but will engage with a better approach.

Hope this helps.

Maybe next time I will babble about some things I have learned about myself.

Strange times in a Japanese Bath house

One of the wonderful things about Japan is soaking in a sento, onsen or rotonburri. For those who have never been a sento is a neighborhood bath house - nothing sexual where you go and soak in a hot bath. An onsen is similar but fed by a natural hot spring. A rotonburri is usually naturally hot spring fed but outside.

Now merge these wonderful institutions with a more typical gay sauna/bathhouse experience and it has the possibility of being a lot of fun. Now I am trying to be culturally sensitive, but to a westerner, intimate relations in a foreign country can be a delicate act - especially in Japan where social clues are often hard to read for an American. One attitude is to damn the torpedos and just be an American and if they don't like it ... fuck'em. I try to never to be the "ugly american" and observe or read about cultural norms and then try to live within the rules (when in rome ...) So the first bit of cultural knowledge that overshadowed my experience is the Japanese reticence around foreigners. So its important not to come on too strong or aggressive. On my end I don't have a particular fetish for Asian men - my dictum is a hot guy is a hot guy - but don't tend to go for any particular racial group. I went because I like gay bathouses - if I get off cool - but I wasnt' particularly jonesing for asian tail.

Oh one more strange thing. There is a video room - on the tv was some japanese gay porn. However, it was two older fat middle aged business men having sex. Very odd and not stimulating!

This particular night I was first and foremost looking to unwind after a long day walking and being a tourist, so a hot soak, steam and sauna were in order. Japanese bathouses also serve as a crash joints for guys who stay out too late - so upstairs are sleeping rooms where some fucking goes on but a lot more sleeping happens. The first odd thing is I went upstairs to take a short nap. I covered myself up - faced away from the room and was clearly sleeping not looking for nookie. I dozed off at one point had a sense of someone leaning over me feeling me up. I rolled over groggy and gestured that I wasn't interested and dozed away. This happened a couple times and I gave up on sleeping. Getting up I had the vague feeling of being violated. Being groped in my sleep is not my idea of a good time. I met up with my partner and we headed out, but when I told him - he said that is a very Japanese thing - the pleasuring of someone who is pretending to be sleeping.

We came back another night and I was more in the mood to have some fun.

Read part two ...

Sugar Challenge

I just spent time on vacation in a country where all the ice tea is unsweatened.

Imagine going into your local 7/11 and if all the space devoted to soda was instead filled with varieties of tea (mostly green) all without anything added. The cultural tastes must lean this way because it sells - which then begs the question of why we drink such sweet things. In fact everything is sweeter in America - do some traveling and you will notice that chocolate and pastries in other countries are not as sweet. Its as if we are a country who is jacked up on sugar. Given American obesity and diabeties rates its clearly a national disaster.

So what do I want?

First, I want options! I want to be able to find drinks that contain neither sugar or articificial sweeteners! I want the option of a dessert that isn't just sugar that has the correct balance of pastry and sweet.

Second, I don't want my insurance dollars and tax dollars feeding a corporate and cultural stupidity about food health. If we, demand that the government demand that manufacturers lower the sugar content of their food by 2% a year over the next 5 years! Slowly weaning the American addiction - learning to enjoy the taste of food just a little less sweet.

I know I am dreaming - but I can but hope!