Random Thoughts

Tonight I made a presentation. It was to provide information to the larger community about the project that a committee I am on is doing. The project hasn't been going well and some in the community are getting snarky. In an effort to be transparent we have been hosting information sessions. I do my dog and pony show, answer questions, smile and make nice. I am good at this sort of thing. Tonight's audience was easy - they were mostly elderly and sort of sweet. Afterwards two members of the committee stayed behind and one really paid me this huge compliment about how good I am in front of groups like this. I wanted to crawl under a rock. I don't take compliments well. In truth, my style in working a room is mellow, sort of disarming, I often mess up facts and am glad that I had the support of a few of the committee members to remind me of details - especially in front of a group my brain doesn't always function when it comes to anything that has to do with facts - waxing eloquently about a conundrum I am pretty good at.

So after the meeting I call the bf. He doesn't pick up his cell phone but for some odd reason I go over anyhow. He was asleep on the couch and asked what I was doing there (here?). He thought I said I wasn't coming over - and in fact I said I may not come over. I probably shouldn't. At home I could have done laundry, pay bills, whacked to porn, but here I have to be a bit quiet and am limited. Consequently I am surfing the web and writing this post.

Why did I come over?

It really was an odd thing to do because I miss being at home and often bemoan my lack of opportunity to spend time there. At the same time I do love my bf and want to live with him some day - oddly one of my main motivations to live with him has to do with the fractured life I life now. I want to be with him and live a normal existance which means that when I am late at a meeting I don't get exiled to my house but I come back to the place I belong. Does this make any sense - I am not sure it makes sense to me. Regardless here I am. Even though he is passed out on the couch snoring - it feels right.