Time Flies

I wish I could regale you with stories of my sexual exploits the last two weeks, but the fact is besides lots of time watching porn and working too much nothing happened. Part of me can feel a certain satisfaction that I didn’t have sex while my bf was away, but in all honestly that satisfaction is a lie. I would of, if I could have so in the end I am just a looser.

For those who haven’t been devoted reader of my sporadic blogging (and who could blame you) in the eight or so years I have been with the bf – he has travelled often for work. In those times I often try and only rarely succeed to explore. I have met three different gay men – all also in long term relationships, with whom the sex is very good. In all of the cases, I enjoy them as people – really enjoy the sex. However, given the demands of discretion we are rarely able to meet-up.

In the eight years even though we have a loving relationship the actual sex has diminished to almost nothing.

I like to use the euphemism that we  aren’t well matched sexually or another way to put it is that we have different tastes. However, in the end it would be more realistic to say that we have both stopped trying. I mostly blame myself. Judgmentally, it is clear that he has intimacy issues and that given that I recognize this I should make the effort to bridge this. Of course this is not fair – I think he would say that he is a dominant top and not being submissive in any way we were never well matched. A deeper analysis would ask why I can’t get in touch with my submissive side if only to please the man I love – but even though I can enjoy taking a cock up my ass – I just can’t beg to be used. It just doesn’t work for me.

 

So after a crazy week of 14 hour days at work – I picked-up the bf at the airport and I really missed him. At night in bed as we cuddled, it felt right.