Acceptance or Fear

I have a vibrant on-line life. A chat regularly with faces in the ether. Not that it is relevant to the subject of this post, but the real identity of these "friends" is sketchy at best; and yet I tell them intimate details of my personal life. More oddly than that - I hide their existance from the person I love and share my life with.

So these ethereal friends know all about my discontent with my sex life with my loving bf and now so does the blogger sphere. Many of them who know about my sexual fantasies or have played along with me in developing these fantasies see me as a very sexual person. They cannot imagine how I can spend so much time with someone who I love and am attracted to and go for long stretches of time without sex or passion.

Its quite simple really... life happens.

Let me tell you about this morning. A lazy Sunday morning. I intended to sleep late. Loving boyfriend (from now on I shall refer to him as LBF) got up around 7:00 and I turned over and mumbled something about it being too early, he said something about just going to the bath room and fell promptly back to sleep. An hour later I am woken by kisses on my neck. He says between kisses he is going to Starbucks do I want anything? I am still half-asleep and mumble - no thank you. He adds some more kisses and asks if I want an omelette from IHOP, now waking up some more I say, " and miss soaking up all that atmosphere?" So being the cute LBF he proceeds to ask me if I want all sorts of stuff, including a pony or a hand-job? Now that sparks my interest. I am laying partially on my back and he starts to rub my bum, through my boxer shorts and it feels good. I already had a morning erection, so I was hoping between the prior kisses and the bum rubbing this may get good. He fishes out my penis through the slot in my boxer shorts and starts to rub his hand over softly. It almost tickles. Then he says, "how are we going to clean you up?" Alarm signals go off, we just started, why worry about cleaning me up? He slowly rolled me on my back, pulled off my boxers, grabbed the lube and started to stoke me. It felt good but in the end it was over too quick. He went to go wash his hands and left for Starbucks, me laying there on the bed.

So, that is our sex life.

Is it acceptance that after six years this is what devolves for passion or is it fear of confronting larger problems in the relationship that stop me from trying to confront this?