Don't you want me Baby?

I was reading London Preppy (http://londonpreppy.blogspot.com/) and he wrote the following:

So I have been in a relationship for 2 – 2 ½ years now and of course I haven’t been looking around to meet guys and I haven’t even been making myself available. And in the last few months I have become almost isolated as well, not going out to bars, clubs, anything. So I kinda feel like nobody fancies me anymore, nobody has a sexual interest in me. And I know it’s very shallow, but at the same time it’s human nature and everyone wants to feel attractive.

It really got me thinking. I get a ton of love and affection from my bf - and at the same time I am almost compulsive about looking at the hot men on sites like dudesnude.com and bigmuscle.com. I sometimes put myself out there in ways that could endanger my relationship and hurt my bf (which would be much worst). This kind of reckless behavior for validation is probably unhealthy. Now recognizing that I do it may be the first step in more positive behavioral adjustment that could lead to a healthier me. At the same time change may require an honesty that I do not have. It may be leading the openly sexual life that may be to scary to embark on.

Okay gang - this is the sick part - acknowledging this simultaneously makes me calm and excites me. I don't think it is the danger? Maybe I am just meshugener?

Part of me thinks that I should have a long discussion with the bf and work out how we are going to satisfy me. The other part of me thinks that the less he knows the better and that I am not getting any younger and I should just resolve to have more sex. Of course this kind of thinking is dangerous - because it leads to deceit, running around and possibly job loss. Ah well, nothing to fret about now.