I have been studying a lot for exams. Took one today - think I did alright - I definitely felt prepared. The next couple of weeks will be late nights at work big presentations.
Been trying to get to the gym a lot. I think the last two weeks I might have gotten there 6x a week. Hopefully with all that is on my plate I can keep it up. Its probably vanity but the truth is most of my life I have carried around the image of the slightly chunky nerd boy - who had a disdain for team sports. As I came to accept myself as a gay man I realized that those jocks with the hot bodies and comfort with themselves was the man I wanted to be. I like being physical and I have begun to embrace that. Right now my body is decent. With a push it could be hot, but I am not sure that is why I am pushing myself, I guess as I hit 44 this year keeping fit is about not giving into age. Gan't help posting Hugh Jackman and Daniel Craig because they are over 40 and hot!
Its funny had some big drama with the bf. He dropped some bombs and then its back to normal. Been processing and thinking a lot about it. Ultimately I have got to be willing to show him the side of myself that wants to go dancing or hang out at gay pride or just be more out in the world. He doesn't have this need, but unless I show him that side of myself it will always be a double life that strangles me.
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